Adoption Questions

Katie Yael, over at "Making Aliyah" (a cherished friend and "sister" of mine) posted a comment asking some questions about "why vietnam?" and I thought it would be a good blog topic for "Snips and Snails" since others might also be wondering why we chose Vietnam.

When Robert and I began talking seriously about adoption we first debated the pros and cons of domestic adoption vs international adoption. Personally, I had my heart set on international adoption from the "get-go" as very good friends of mine adopted a little boy from Honduras back while I was in high school. However, since Robert was "new" to adoption and since we are in this together, it was important for us to discuss all aspects of adoption-including domestic and international. Being a research fanatic, I delved into various print and internet publications to explore domestic adoption. We found that there were several reasons why domestic was not a good "fit" for us: first, private open adoption could involve a very long wait; second, the birth mother has the option, for six months after the placement, (as well she should) to change her mind -a risk neither of us could handle emotionally; third, foster adopt programs held similiar risks of disruption/termination (the state's first priority is to reunite families, which means a child could be in your home for a long while and there is still the chance that the adoption will not be completed), additionally, the children available through foster adopt programs are often older and carry with them the unfortunate side effects of neglect/abuse at the hands of biological parents AND the trauma built in to being shuffled around in the foster care system. While Robert and I support and applaud people who choose to build their families through private, open adoption and through foster adopt programs, we found ourselves unwilling to take on the risks related to these options.

Having made that decision, we focused our attention on international adoption. For a very long time we were committed to adopting from Guatemala - Robert has a cousin who adopted an infant girl from Guatemala and we were impressed with the speed of the process, the young age of the babies adopted, the general good health of the infants, and the fact that most infants are in foster care as opposed to orphanages. The trip is very short, four to five days in country-far more appealing than the 1o day trips involved with China adoption or the two week, two trips involved in Eastern European adoptions (specifically Russia, but other countries as well). The only drawback to Guatemala at the time we were considering it was the cost: agencies were quoting us upwards of 35 thousand dollars.

Our decision to adopt from Guatemala seemed a "done deal" for almost year, and I belonged to several guatemala adoption yahoo groups. Robert was still concerned about the cost, but with my obtaining a job working with at-risk youth (which included benefits), and his jewelry business, we figured we would find a way. However, the longer I was on the gautemala adopt lists, the more concerned we became over reports of disrupted adoptions, instability in the government, corrupt adoption lawyers, rumors of "baby brokering," and parents waiting over a year to bring their child home. We also spoke with several agencies, and one, in particular, discouraged us from the guatemala program due to increased instability.

Back we went to the drawing board: Russia was out due to the very high cost (40,000 plus), the reported poor orphanage care, the two trip requirement (very expensive), and the need for "blatting" (Bribing) left and right while in country. China was an appealing option, but the wait for a baby in China was growing ever longer- 18 + months. Also, while we were open to either gender, we both thought we would like a baby boy, which is not really an option in China, save for Special Needs adoptions.

In an internet search one day, I discovered that Vietnam had re-opened and, being ever the research hound, I dug in and searched out every bit of information I could find. At the time it first opened, there were a lot of unkowns about how it would proceed, but the process was expected to be relatively smooth, the infants referred being quite young, and both boys and girls available. The cost was about ten thousand less than Guatemala (around 25 thousand when you factor in the trip), and while the travel is between 2 and 3 weeks, we had rethought about travel time and realized that, while perhaps a bit difficult to work out all the details, a longer period in country would provide us with wonderful opportunities to learn about the people and the culture of our child's birth country. Also, the time frame was pretty short: leaving us to expect we could complete our adoption in 6-8 months.

As of this writing, several families have traveled to Vietnam and returned with their children. It seems that many people had the same idea we did and switched to Vietnam when it re-opened. That, coupled with people who started their paperchase before the country reopened (with the hope and expectation that it would re-open) has resulted in ever increasing wait times for referals. One of the agencies we considered (and are still considering) is listing a 12-18 month wait for a baby girl referal(with travel taking place 4-5 months after that) and a 4-5 month wait for a referal for a baby boy (with travel taking place 4-5 months after that). Waiting lists at some agencies have grown quite long, which is discouraging to many PAP (potential adoptive parents).

Although we are a bit dismayed at the increased time line, we are happy with our choice for Vietnam and have (as noted in the first post) scheduled our homestudy. We have not decided on an agency just yet, but are leaning strongly towards the one agency that is quoting the longest wait times ,yet has a solid reputation and has been upfront, honest, and caring in all our communications with them.

whew. what a long post! I hope that answered your questions Katie Yael. If you have any more questions (or if I neglected to answer one) do drop me a line and I will get back on the blogger train and tackle the topic again. That goes for anyone else reading this blog as well!