Christmas

I am soo soo tired. Yesterday I had a Ministry Support Team meeting from one until three, then met my mother and sister at Red Lobster (YUM!) for an early dinner at 3:30 and then we went shopping. We went to Shopko, The Mall (ahem, remember we live in Hicksville, so the Mall is rather small)- Kohl's, JC Penney, Younkers, Sam Goody, Bath and Body Works, B.Dalton Bookstore- Target and Walmart. Guess what time I got home? 10:35 p.m.!!! We had a lot of fun though, and managed to sneak around enough to get a few presents for each other as well. Of course, then I had to get home, get the stuff in the house (tricky, as I had presents for R that I needed to sneak past him) and catch up with each other about the day- so, sleep did not come until after two a.m. (partly due to the fact that I bought Hannibal Rising-thanks Law Mommy for posting that it was on the market!)

At the mall we saw a caucasian couple with a hispanic toddler (boy) and a little asian baby girl- my mom and sister would not allow me to "stalk" the family. what spoilsports! I just wanted to see the baby! LOL

I am slowly getting into the Christmas spirit. It has been hard, because if things had gone as we had planned, we would have a baby this Christmas. I remember last Christmas day R and I were sharing our dreams for next Christmas when the "baby is home." We talked about all the fun things we would do, the traditions we would start, the Christmas shopping fun we would have, first Christmas photos, etc. Well, here we are at "next Christmas" and it is looking like it is going to take a lot of luck and a few miracles for us to MAYBE be parents by Christmas 2007.

But, I am working hard to remind myself of all the wonderful things we do have this Christmas: each other, our dogs, our family that lives here and our friends. Our niece A is a senior in high school and this will be her last christmas as a "child", and our nephew A is going to turn 14 on Christmas day (as he pointed out to me that makes him "practically a man" LOL). This will be our third Christmas without my dad, and it is getting easier each year that passes to enjoy the good memories of Christmas with him and not hurt so much that he is no longer here. I am sure that our first Christmas with a baby will be bittersweet in the sense that we will have those thoughts of "if only dad were here to see his newest grandchild" etc. Still, I know we will work hard to share stories about him with our child so that he will at least know how much his grandpa loved Christmas and how he would search for hours and hours and days and days for the perfect Christmas presents for all of us. I will probably at some point share the "great cabbage patch kid adventure of 1984" with our child as well. Now that is a classic family christmas story about my dad!

I also find great comfort and joy in all of you in adoption blog land- I feel tremendously blessed that all of you share your lives, stories, wishes, hopes, fears, triumphs, and frustrations on your blogs. I also a deeply grateful for those of you who take the time to read this blog and offer your advice and support. As difficult as this time is for me, I know it would be unbearable without the support and friendship that you all so generously offer. This Christmas, know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers, and I consider all of you valuable and treasured "gifts" this Christmas.