I want to thank all of you who commented on my previous post about changing our "age range." as well as your comments on adopting two children-siblings or twins- at one time. All of you have been so generous with your time and comments that I feel it is only right to respond to each one of your posts individually, so here we go:
Destination Motherhood: Thanks! We are happy to be on the waiting list! You're right, it is a very hard decision to make, and I feel much better hearing you say that we can allways change our mind.
Jo- Thanks for sharing your own experience with making a decision regarding age and twins. As you can guess, R and I have had many similiar conversations. It is comforting to know that we are not the only couple who are having such conversations.
Rachel- Thanks for your congratulations! I think you are right, expanding our age range six months is probably not going to make a huge difference in our wait time. 24 months would probably shorten the wait time, but R and I both agree that we are not comfortable with 24 months. This is our first child, and we both want to experience as much of "babyhood" as we can. I also am of the same mind as you are- parenthood is hard work, but if we are going to be without sleep anyway, why not twins?
E.- Post all the long responses you want! I am allways open to hearing what you have to say. your blog (Looking for George) is one of my favorite blogs to visit. Your discussion on the developmental difference between 12 months and 18 months was very helpful, and was one of the major discussion points R and I had in discussing the possiblity of changing our age range. I have had quite a bit of experience with the terrible twos, and, as quirky as it sounds, it is one of my favorite ages. That being said, going from no children to a child in the terrible two's sounds like a bit much to take on. As for the twins question, we do have a lot of suppport from family and friends. One of the reasons we moved to Michigan was to be closer to family so that we would have a wealth of relatives and others to share in the lives of our child(ren). Also, I have left my full time job working with homeless and at risk youth and am now working full time at home running our family business. So, I will be a work at home mom. My mother, sister, niece, nephew, and friends from church are all eager and willing to help out during the day time if we were so lucky as to be referred twins. Also, my niece is starting college next year, and we have talked with her about spending some time at our house (the college is very nearby here) helping out with the business and the baby(ies).
As for sibling group, I agree with you that it is the most difficult scenario. It is also the most unlikely scenario, as sibling groups in Vietnam are uncommon. The most realistic expectation is one child, and the unlikely, but possible, scenario is twins.
LaLa- what can I say, girl? your support has meant so much to me these past few months that we have gotten to know each other. The quotes you have shared are wonderful- in fact, I have used one of them in my "quote of the week" section of the blog. Henri Nouwen is one of my favorite writers, and the quote from St. Francis de Sales is one I have not encountered before. Thanks for sharing both with me!
Dawn- Thanks for reminding me that anything is possible, and what we think we want is not allways what works out, or what is right for us. Everything will work out, in the end, right? Allways great to hear from a fellow yooper...look us up one of these days when you are in the area!
So, I bet you are all wondering what decision we have made regarding age range. (ok, so your probably not wondering, but I will tell you anyway). For now, R and I are going to leave things as they are, knowing that we can change things later if we so choose. While we definitely do not want to wait any longer than we have to, we do not want to make the decision to up the age range simply because it might make things move faster. That, to us, would be the wrong reason to go from 0-12 to 0-18 months. This is, after all, a life changing event, not to mention a permanent one, and I do not want my impatience with waiting cause us to disregard the reasons why we chose 0-12 months in the first place. We did give a lot of thought to this matter prior to and during our homestudy, and the choices we made regarding age, gender, and being open to twins or a sibling group were decisions that we did not make lightly or easily.
I will blog more about the "twins" and "sibs" question in my next post (I simply must get offline and get back to work!), as the reasons why we are open to that option might help illuminate for all of you why I am so interested in what people who have BTDT have to say about the experience. Which might, in turn, generate more comments from all of you- and what is better than having comments on your blog?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Kelly, it's incredibly hard to have to make decisions like age and gender. I think you are making the right decision...whatever you feel is best for you & R then THAT is the right decision.
By the way, I just love your blog. Your honest and fun, and I love reading about whatever is on your mind day to day. :)
I'm glad you're feeling good about your decisions for age range. I don't think there has to be hard and fast reasons for any decisions. It all boils down to what feels right. I've often been asked why I want to adopt a boy and I don't have a good answer for that. It's just what's in my heart this time around.
I think you've made a wise decision. We all second guess ourselves sometimes.
As you have to put down an age and you already have done that I wouldn't worry about it. In my experience things work out on their own. Maybe your agency will send you a note we have a child this age do you want to consider. Then you can think about if you want to wait longer or not. Try and pin them down on how much more of a wait. Or maybe you will get a referral and then have to wait so long to travel that they get older. We are not seeing long waits after referral but it is possible.
One thing to remember is that they often do not know the exact age of the child and can be off by a lot.
I adopted and by the time I traveled she was guessed to be 2 yrs no one really knew. She did not look like a baby but more like a tiny perfect person. No body fat at all and tiny anyway. She was only about 20 lbs and wore 12 month clothes. So she was a baby in many ways, but was potty trained so she could not have been that young.
Also many children are delayed for months so they have not hit the normal develomental milestones. Many children have had very dull lives and no toys, laid in a crib most of the time.
As for terrible twos she was so stunned and shocked, she was good as gold for months. She was tired from anemia and parasites so she napped a lot, wanted to be held & cuddled, and ate a lot. It was fun feeding her she would eat so much.
Before I traveled I was upset that the baby I requested was now a toddler, but after I had her it didn't matter at all. She is perfect in every way.
Kelly -Here is a blog for a family from our agency who is currently in Vietnsm getting their twin boys.
Post a Comment