When I opened my email box this morning, there was an update from our regional representative on the Vietnam adoption program. According to the email, they have not received any new referrals, but expect to have some soon. The closing line of the email reads:
"We know the wait times are getting longer for families and understand how hard this is for you. We are here for you during this difficult time and want to support you. "
I know this was written in an honest expression of concern, but I cant help but feel a bit "handled" by such a statement. However, I decided to take advantage of this expression of concern and sent an email to our regional rep, asking for clarification on where R and I stand in the wait list and what our wait time might be.
I ask this primarily because a recent post on our agencies Yahoo group by a PAP indicated that the wait time for a boy referral might be as long as 17 months. Another email posted by a PAP reported that their regional rep sent out an email asking those waiting for a girl referral to consider changing their gender preferrence or perhaps considering another program- the underlying message being that the wait time for a girl referral is growing even longer.
Now, we requested an infant boy, twins, or a sibling group (with the oldest child being up to 36 months of age), so I am not as concerned about the growing wait for a girl referral. But I am concerned that the growing wait for a boy referral might eventually result in a similar email being sent to those of us waiting for a boy: that we might wish to consider another program.
So, in my email to our agency rep I asked, very nicely, for clarification on the wait time we should expect, a clarification on how the wait list works and an inquiry as to where we stand in that wait list, and our concerns that we might, in the future, be asked to consider another program.
We shall see what happens. I really hope that I get a substantial response from my inquiry, and not a vague, "its hard to tell as we can't predict how many referrals we get" and a "hang in there, we know this wait is hard and we are there for you during this difficult time." It is maddening to try to make important decisions when you receive answers like that.
There is also a tiny part of me that is terrified that I am being too pushy in sending this email. When, I wonder, did I start harboring these kind of fears?
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4 comments:
You have every right to ask the question..and honestly, I think they fully expect you to ask. Like you, I hate receiving the "canned" answers though. I hope you get some answers soon...
I know what you mean, though...I hesitate to ask questions for fear of annoying them and (ridiculously, I know, but still) them retaliating in some way because I'm being a pain. It's crazy, but I'm right there with you.
Wishing you a comprehensive (and encouraging)response from your rep.
I agree, you do have the right to ask the questions, but at the same time I understand your hesitation. Adoption is the only industry (and yes, I hate using that word, but really . . .) wherein we pay gobs of money and then are afraid to have any expectations of the people we have essentially hired to work for us. There is so much at stake, so we try not to ruffle feathers or rock the boat. Unfortunately, some agencies take advantage of this. I think it's a good sign that your agency is emailing you and encouraging you to turn to them for support. I also understand feeling "handled" but at least it's better than feeling ignored and being treated as an inconvenient part of the job. Ahhh, adoption . . . it evokes so many, many emotions.
The situation just plain sucks. Sorry to say it, but it does. If you're considering switching agencies anyway (don't know if you are at all), you might as well as everything that's on your mind. Chances are, there won't be any concrete answers, but you might as well ask. Good luck, and sorry to hear about this.
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