Adoption Decision and What's Wrong with Ben?

We are about 95% moved in to our new house! I am still surrounded by boxes that need to be unpacked (where did we get all this STUFF?), but at least the boxes are in one room and the rest of the house looks more like a home and less like a storage facility.

I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments and well wishes on my last post. LaLa, you are right, our agency is very conservative and, according to our contract with them we cannot pursue another adoption or become pregnant while in the process of our Vietnam adoption. So, as they say, "there goes the ball game" as far as pursuing a domestic AA (yes KellyO you are right, it stands for African American) adoption at this time. We have invested far too much emotionally and financially into our Vietnam adoption to pull out of it at this point. I also suspect that a large part of the attraction of the domestic AA adoption "offer" was the lure of a (perhaps) faster adoption. It would not be right to let my impatience with the Vietnam adoption time line to be the deciding factor in pursuing the domestic adoption option. I try to be very conscientious about the effects of the long wait upon my decision making process, yet it is difficult to put the brakes on and look at the larger picture when the possibility of bringing home a baby SOONER is dangled in front of me. Luckily, R and I did not have a lot of time to talk about it, as we were dealing with the "big move" and Ben's health issues. Not to mention a zillion other things (one of which has to do with my suggested title in the Reader's Choice post: Difficult People Suck). At this point, we are not going to consider seriously the AA domestic adoption "option" - we have agreed to revisit the subject after our Vietnam adoption is completed.

A few of you asked for all the proposed topics on the Reader's Choice post, so let's move on to one of them:

1. What's Wrong with Ben? - My best buddy in the world, our almost ten year old black Pomeranian, has had two knee surgeries in his lifetime. Following his first knee surgery about five years ago, he was put on Rimadyl (an anti-inflamitory medication) to help with the pain and stiffness. I tried a few times to wean Ben off of the Rimadyl (any medication puts a strain on the liver, and I didn't want to keep him on a possibly un-necessary medication anyway), but it was obvious that without the medication he was quite "stiff" and uncomfortable when walking. Shortly after R and I moved in together in Alabama, Ben began to have trouble with his other knee (it would go out on him and he would sqauwk like the world was ending) and we took him to the vet to check it out. Sure enough, he needed a surgery on that knee also. After that surgery we switched from Rimadyl to Metacam- a liquid anti inflamitory that was easier to give to Ben as we could put a few drops on his food rather than try to get a pill in him. About two months ago, we switched back to the chewable Rimadyl, as the Metacam was difficult to get at our current vet and was quite expensive. After a month's supply, I called the vet to ask for a refill. I was told to bring Ben in for a quick blood test to check his liver enzymes out, as Rimadyl can affect liver functioning. I didn't give it too much thought, as Ben seemed to be fine- although I did find it curious that this was the first vet to express concern about the medication and ask for a blood test- none of the other vets ever checked that out.

To make a long story short (or at least shorter), Ben's blood test came back showing abnormal enzyme levels. I can't recall the details (I was in total shock over this) but one level should be around 100 and Ben's is around 1400. He is on a new, very expensive medication (Zentonil) that hopefully will help his liver regenerate and regulate his enzyme levels.

I am embarrassed to admit how much, and how often, I have cried over this. Ben has been in my life longer than my husband! He is truly my best buddy- a real cuddler and very entertaining (He sings to the radio when dixie chicks come on and to some tv commercials). When my father was ill Ben was the official "therapy dog" for our family- he comforted my mom and myself through a lot of "crying sessions" in those days. He was also my dad's buddy - when I was away at college, my dad took Ben with him everywhere- to the bank, to the store, to visit friends, sometimes he or my mom would just put Ben in the car and drive around the block because "Ben likes to go for car rides." When my dad was very sick, Ben literally stuck by his side for hours on end. When my dad died, Ben was the one who curled up with me and licked the tears off of my face.

The thought of losing Ben terrifies me. I know he is old and the life of a dog isn't nearly as long as we wish it to be- but I am not ready, damn it. This medication better work! I dont want Ben to feel ill or to suffer in anyway, but we need that goofy black fur ball around here. Bogey has never been without Ben, he adores him. R has bonded with Ben in a big way also- it is R who Ben runs to when it starts storming outside. R has spent hours in the middle of the night comforting Ben during big thunderstorms. My mom, my sister, my niece, my nephew- they all love Ben fiercely as well.

And please, do not tell me that he is "just a dog" and we can allways get another one. And do not tell me that once we have children, we will not love our dogs nearly as much. That may be true, but right now I do not have children (and am beginning to despair that I ever will). What I do have is two wonderful dogs, once of which is quite sick right now. So if you can find it in your heart to say a prayer for "just a dog" please do so. I can't bear to lose my buddy.