Monday, May 21, 2007

Slash: How my favorite TV show is quite possibly ruined for me forever

It is no secret to my family and friends that I am a huge West Wing fan. When West Wing was still on the air and I was in a graduate psychology program (that was cancelled, btw, before I finished, bad bad bad university), my cousin Becky and I would IM each other the countdown to WWW-West Wing Wednesday. Silly, to be sure, but our classes that semester were unbearably boring. The show, on the other hand, was smart, engaging, moving, and downright clever.

After I moved to Alabama to be with R, I had Wednesday night classes every week, so I missed seeing the latter half of season 6 and allmost all of season 7. Luckily, all seven seasons are on DVD and I have, in an uncharacteristic dive into frivilous consumerism, bought the whole series (across this past year of course, because buying 7 sets of DVDs at almost 50 bucks a pop is beyond the capacity of my wallet).

And, yes, for those of you who are wondering- my frustration over the slow pace of our adoption has me beating a fast retreat into fantasy land- so West Wing is my current "coping" mechanism, or, rather, my way to obsess about something other than the wait.

I am currently waiting for season 7 to arrive (hooray for Ebay!) and just finished watching the last episode of season 6 the other night. As with any addiction, withdrawal has been horrible- due, in part, to the depressing reality that I currently have no life and am in desperate need of a distraction (see above paragraph).

A reasonable person (well, ok a less deranged, more rational thinking person than I) would simply pop in one of the already watched DVD's from previous seasons, watch his/her personal favorite episodes, and keep an eye out for the postal worker delivering the mail.

I am not that person. I have some kind of anal retentive need to watch the shows in order, and so I am trapped in withdrawal by my own peculiarities.

Here is where the whole West Wing obsession gets bizarre (or, if you prefer, even more bizzarre): Having no idea when the season 7 DVD set is going to arrive, and being stuck in this godforsaken U.P wilderness with its 30 degree temperatures and overcast skies, I decided to cruise the internet for West Wing fan sites.

I discovered West Wing Fan Fiction.

Wow. There are people out there who write stories about the characters on West Wing. In some cases very complex, very long stories- for instance, one story had 17 chapters!

Intriguing. A little bizzarre, but intriguing.

I decide, in light of drizzling rain, 30 degree temperature, and no sign of the mail person, that, what the heck, why not waste a little time and read some of these stories.

I should have read the FAQ first. Particularly the definitions for "Slash" and "AU" stories.

Especially the definition for "Slash" stories.

I clicked on a story that featured President Josiah Bartlett (my personal fav), Leo McGarry (Chief of Staff, another fav character of mine), CJ Craig (White House secretary), and Toby Ziegler (Communications Director). With this particular cast of characters, I expected at best a pretty good drama involving some type of political dilemma (assuming the writer can, actually, write) or, at worst, a poorly worded, sloppy re-write of one of the episodes from the series.

I begin reading. And discover neither of my assumptions are correct.

Three paragraphs into the story and I am thinking....

Oh. my.

One page into the story and I am horrified......

OH NO.....NO NO NO NO NO...... that is SO NOT PRESIDENTIAL BEHAVIOR.

Barlett and Leo? CJ and Barlett and Leo? Toby and CJ and Bartett and Leo?

In the White House?

In the OVAL OFFICE?

ON the PRESIDENTIAL SEAL CARPET?

WITH NO CLOTHES ON?

After reading one and a half pages, I am in a state of shock. and disgust. I exit the website, stare in horror at the monitor, and then, shut down the whole computer.

It is quite possible that I may never be able to watch West Wing again. At the very least, I will have to ban all episodes involving Josiah Bartlett, Leo, CJ, and Toby having a scene together in the Oval Office in which the presidential seal carpet is shown on camera.

Yeah, that pretty much means I can't watch any episodes ever again.

I need a new favorite show. Something safe, like "Family Affair" or "The Waltons."

Surely people wouldn't write "slash" fan fiction about Buffy, Jody, and Mrs Beasely.

Would they?

5 comments:

mam said...

Funny! And right there with you re: WW being amazing, and also the need to watch sequentially.

OK, so now I'm a little curious about what AU would mean (I would have throught "slash" = violent, but I'm guessing from your post that's not quite it?) And to tell the dirty truth, I can't automatically rule out a well-written "slash" episode if it involves my favorite fake politician boyfriend Will Bailey.

I wonder if you love WW because of the amazing dialogue written by Aaron Sorkin, and if so, if you're aware of "Sports Night" which, in my opinion, is at LEAST as good as WW (and also available on DVD)?

Stacy said...

Ah, my eyes, my eyes! Having not even read the story myself, the recap you shared might still be enough for me to never be able to watch WW again either. Ahhh! I have to agree with the comment on Sports Night - might have to track that down now that I think about it... Hope you find a good distraction that doesn't involve such hideous images!

Fran said...

Poor Kelly! My best friend Sare writes fanfic for Harry Potter and Avatar, so I know the genre. AU=Alternate Universe. And slash is homo-erotica. (There's het erotica, too, not called slash!). I could direct you to some great HP fanfic sites, but my guess is that most of them would you leave you thinking: Ron and Harry? Hermione and Draco. NO!

Anonymous said...

Oh my, that is too funny. I love the West Wing too. Just your tiny description alone will make the show a bit different from now on. My motto is live and let live, but some characters just don't need to go there...like Pres. Barlett.

Stop. The. Mental. Images. !!!!

Kathryn said...

I wish we would get an agency update. Nikki was back on Tuesday. I know she's busy after being off 2weeks, but I am sure I'm not alone in being anxious to hear of an update.