the strange workings of a deranged mind.... adoption fears

I do not worry.

I obsess.

The latest news in international adoption has me obsessing about some fantastical imaginary (hopefully) consequences that the recent warnings about Guatemala and the continued "backlash" of China's new rules will have on Vietnam adoption.

Freak out Scenario my deranged mind has conjured up:

Vietnam, allready under seige by PAP's who once were in a China Adoption program but now are flocking to Vietnam in droves [because a) the China wait is too long or, b) they no longer meet the new China requirements ]will now have another ginormous (not a word, but an apt description of the size) influx of PAP's who were once in a Guatemala adoption program and are now scrambling for another program because our beloved government has all but told people "you don't wanna go with Guatemala people, cuz its on the verge of combustion due to some really rotten dishonest people and greedy lawyers...oh yeah, and the Hague thing" (truthfully, what the state department website said was that PAP's should "strongly consider their options" but we all KNOW what that really means).

[How's that for a run on sentence? Would it shock you to know I have two degrees and I still can write a run on sentence of epic porportions?]

Seriously, my friends, Vietnam is not that big of a country. There simpy cannot be that many orphans in Vietnam that need homes. Certainly there are not that many infant girls (or boys) in Vietnam that need homes. How in the world can ethical adoptions continue in Vietnam when (excuse the economic terms, but let's be real here, economics plays a big role in adoption) the demand is fast exceeding the supply?

I never went into adoption with the mindset that we would scramble and shove and push our way to the front of the line for a baby. I do not want to be fighting for a child like it is the newest toy out of the market. We wanted, quite simply (and perhaps niavely) to become parents to a child who needed parents.....If there are more PAP's then there are children in Vietnam, are we really in the process of becoming parents to a child who needs parents, or are we fast becoming part of a maddening crowd of people who are putting such a strain on the system that corruption is sure to result and children who DO NOT NEED parents might well be taken/stolen/bought from birth parents just to meet the demand of PAP's and satisfy the greed of those who are making the big bucks in this "business" known as international adoption? [run on sentence #2...I am on a roll here]

I talked at length with R about all of this and suggested perhaps we need to reconsider our plans, or at least have a back up program. Yes, we want to be parents, and I am not about to take the very high road and not adopt out of some high moral standard that dictates that being a part of IA neccesarly translates into being a part of a possibly/ potentionally corrupt process that does not allways serve the best interest of a child in need of a family. Perhaps I should, but my own need to be a mom is a powerful drive that shows no sign of abating any time soon. Shoot me if you must, but I am human, an I am far, far, FAR, from sainthood.

I spent the last week investigating yet again domestic foster care adoption. I neglected all my usual favorite blogs (sorry about that, I promise to catch up and post comments very soon) and went looking for some foster-adopt blogs. And boy did I find them. Cindy's blog http://thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/ kept me captivated for days as I read through two years worth of posts about her family formed through adoption primarily through foster care: I received a first hand look at how the many issues foster care kids typically have manifest in every day life. Cindy, I am sure, is a rare woman- part crazy, part saint, and 100% genuine in her commitment to her children and all children in need of homes. That being said, while I admire her, I learned quickly that I am not cut out for foster adoption OR being the mother in a large family. Claudia's blog http://fletcherclan.blogspot.com/ was also an eye opener for me, and confirmed that, while I admire and respect people who have the tenacity (or calling) to parent children who come into a family via the foster care system, I am not one of them.

I plan on keeping up with Cindy and Claudia's blogs, as I have "fallen in love" with their families: however, I know deep in my bones that I do not have what it takes to enter into that fray. I may have fantasies about being the kind of women, and mothers, that they are, but the reality is that I am NOT that kind of woman nor could I be that kind of mother. Humbling to face that fact about myself, but when we are talking about the well being of children, it is downright abusive to try to be something that I am not..the children, more than anyone, would suffer. That is unaccepatable to me.

So, where does that leave me? Truthfully, I do not know. I am concerned (ok, obsessed) about the current and future state of adoption in Vietnam. No rose colored glasses for me, thank you very much. At this time I am not prepared (and R is definitely not prepared, he thinks I "worry too much") to hit the brakes and give up our place in "the waiting line" for a baby from Vietnam.

I am painfully aware that, when it comes to the ethics of adoption, there is a lot of grey areas. I may have to accept that, while there are things I can do to make sure that we make the "most ethical" choices possible, there is no way to be 100% sure (or comfortable) that our choices will be the "morally right" choices for all parties involved.

The whole thing rather sucks, doesn't it?

Then again, perhaps I need meds. Seriously, who obsesses about things like this?